Poems Page 5

THE LAST GOODBYE

I am searching for a brother who is lost

He is still missing from that darkest of days

And I’m beginning to wonder

Will he ever be found, or will it always be this way

Waiting in purgatory

Waiting still to move on with life

And needing something to bring this waiting to an end

Instead of existing perpetually on the edge of this knife

Instead of being left wondering and asking god why

Why my brother can’t be at peace

Why we can’t say that last goodbye

Even if I know he’s no longer with us

I just need that one thing

To be able to bring him home

Instead of settling for words that mean nothing

Just spoken, over and over to try and ease the minds

Of those who lost a piece of their souls that day

Those of us in our private hell, those of us left behind

And I can pray and pray

But I hear no reply

Just day after day of not knowing

Maybe never knowing why

I lost my brother weeks ago

But it seems like just yesterday

And I’m growing tired of people asking how I am

When I can’t even mean what I say

When I have to tell them I’m alright

When the truth is I’m not okay

And there’s nothing anyone can do

To make it better, to ease the pain

Nothing to make me believe

That I will ever look inside and see anything but rain

And I’m still waiting for that answer from god

But maybe I’m not listening right

Or maybe I’m just wrong to think

There will ever be an end to this night

I’m searching for my brother and he is still out there

Wherever it is, I only pray that he is not alone

But I know he’s still waiting to be found

Beneath that endless mountain of burning steel and stone

And maybe, just maybe there will be a day

When seeing his picture won’t make me cry

Won’t make my heart ache

And ask again and again, why

So I still pray and pray

For that one thing that means the most

To be able to bring my brother home

To have more than photo, more than just a missing ghost

To be able to help him be at peace for real

Instead of watching that helmet being carried away

And being painfully certain this wound will not heal

I am searching for my brother

And I will search to the ends of the sky

Until I am able to do this right

And say that last goodbye

GUARDIAN

I went back, you know

Back into hell

Wall to wall flames

We know this too well

And every time

We get that call

I get this feeling inside

That maybe I can’t handle it all

But I fight through it

Like I know you would do

And I do my part with

A heart that’s heavy and broken, too

For, you see, my friend

I keep seeing you there

Over and over

Maybe because I still care

When we roll out those hoses

When we lead the people out

I can feel you beside me

And along with you, some doubt

And I think, my lost brother

Maybe you’re haunting me

Living inside my head

And maybe that’s how it should be

Because I cannot forget

That you were part of my soul

So perhaps you should still be there

With each call, with each bell that tolls

Somehow I manage

To keep my head around others

But when I’m alone

I cry for my brothers

I see everything burning

And all of you left inside

And that’s just something

From which my conscience won’t hide

And so I keep you with me

For better or for worse

You again battle those flames with me

Perhaps a blessing, perhaps a curse

And when we’re on the fly

And that siren sadly wails

I hear ghostly assurance

That you won’t let me fail

And my wife didn’t want me

To go back to work at all

She wanted me safe at her side

So she would never get that call

The call that so many got

On that fateful, endless day

Dead, missing,

Gone, either way

But I went back

I had to, you see

It’s what I do, who I am

What I will always be

So if you stay by my side

As I battle those flames

For another moment you’re alive to me

And again I silently call out your name

In my mind I try to warn you

To somehow help you get out

And this thought haunts me with you

That sliver of doubt

And that doubt may always be there

Right along with you

And I will live with both

And I will live with this truth

We did all we could

And sometimes it’s not enough to save all

But we tried till our hearts ached

And together, alive now or dead,

We all answered that call